Written by Dastem
I was sitting in a school board meeting one time when one of the parents jumped up and passionately started screaming, “don’t gaslight us! We all know the truth!”
Anyone who follows politics might consider this business as usual in a meeting about public policy. Others may be left wondering what on Earth had them so fired up. While the specifics of the argument aren’t important for this particular article, the practice of “gaslighting” certainly is, and worth taking a deeper dive…
Origin of “Gaslighting”
The term comes from “Gaslight”, a 1938 play, written by Patrick Hamilton, in which a man convinces his wife that she’s losing her mind in order to cover up his own criminal past. In the play, Bella notices that when her husband leaves the house at night, the lights become dim, a phenomenon that occurs in old gas-lit houses whenever additional lights are turned on, due to pressure changing in the lines.
As the story unfolds, the audience comes to realize that instead of leaving the premises, as he claims to do, Jack, Bella’s husband, is secretly going upstairs, to the top floor of the home, searching for the missing “Barlow rubies”, which belonged to a former tenant. It’s him turning on the upstairs light that causes the dimming effect to take place in the rest of the house.
Jack’s motivation to mentally manipulate his wife stems from the fact that it was he who killed the old woman who lived in the house years before, while attempting to rob her. Although he was never able to find the treasured rubies, he did manage to leave the police without any evidence to arrest him on. So, years later, he goes to great lengths to buy the house, and continue searching for the jewels uninterrupted. The only thing standing in his way is his wife pestering him with questions about why he keeps going upstairs.
To avoid her discovering the truth, Jack starts bending Bella’s perception of reality by intentionally causing situations that lead her into a state of cognitive dissonance. At one point, he accuses her of taking a painting off the wall, and then convinces her that she forgot she did it in the first place. At another, he hides a bill that she specifically remembered leaving on the desk, and then claims that she’s the one who moved it.
With each instance, Bella’s belief in her own perception is whittled away more and more until she finally agrees with her husband that she must be going crazy. That being the case, it’s easy for him to persuade her that the changing brightness of the gaslights is all in her head, thereby clearing the path for him to continue his search for the missing rubies.
By the time Detective Rough, the police officer who originally handled the case, knocks on their door, Bella has been thoroughly brainwashed. It takes good deal of effort for Rough to talk Bella into helping him, but he eventually does, and Jack is brought to justice.
The most interesting part of the entire drama, however, is the accuracy with which Jack forces Bella to second guess what she knows to be true.
What is Cognitive Dissonance?
“Cognitive dissonance” is a term that gets thrown around quite a bit in a negative light. Yet, in and of itself, it isn’t a bad thing. Simply put, cognitive dissonance is the discomfort of experiencing a discrepancy between one’s beliefs and factual reality. Just like when we hear a dissonant sound, our minds automatically begin seeking a resolution, or a return to cognitive harmony.
According to https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-dissonance-theory/, there are four primary ways to resolve the discomfort we experience from cognitive dissonance:
- Change behavior (reality) to harmonize with the dissonant thought: In Bella’s case, this would be the equivalent of behaving like the crazy person her husband wants her to believe she is.
- Change the dissonant thought to harmonize with reality: For Bella, this would be sticking to the facts, refusing to go along with Jack’s ruse.
- Justify the dissonant thought: We do this by adding other harmonious ideas to our thought paradigm in order to bring the discrepancy closer to the truth.
- Trivialize the dissonance: Writing something off as “unimportant” or “irrelevant” works to reduce the discomfort we feel from the discrepant thought.
Of course, the easiest way to handle cognitive dissonance is to avoid it altogether, which is what many people end up doing. By dismissing something as “fake news”, a “hoax”, or a “con job”, people allow themselves to continue believing the discrepancy rather than go through the discomfort of facing reality. Likewise, creating an “echo chamber” to keep other, truthful thoughts out, is also a form of avoidance.
If any of this seems familiar, it’s because it should. We’re all human, after all, each endowed with the potential to be “gaslit”. But, that doesn’t mean we’re helpless to overcome it. In fact, quite the opposite is true.
You see, Bella “knew what was happening all along.” There was always a voice telling her that her husband was lying to her… Always an inherent sense of the truth. Yet, to believe it, she would have had to realign her entire sense of identity.
Likewise, if your religion tells you to hate someone, then it’s your religion causing the discrepancy. But, who are you without your religion?
If your political party tells you to believe a false narrative, then it’s your political party causing the discrepancy. But, who are you without your political party?
If someone in your family is telling you you’re worthless, then… You get the idea.
These three examples are among the most important in terms of how we identify ourselves. Questioning any of them might lead you to question all of them, hence the real challenge. If cognitive dissonance is painful, then losing your sense of identity is on par with death itself. It’s no wonder so many people go with avoidance instead.
The Power of Truth
The antidote, my friends, is to always listen to the kernel of truth from within your own being. We all know what it sounds like… It’s the voice that leads you through the pain, not around it. Some call it the “God”. Others call it “intuition”. Here at the Dantian Project, we call it “connecting with the dantian“.
Whatever term you choose to use, one thing is certain: The catharsis of accepting the truth will give you the same confidence it gave Bella in the closing scene of “Gaslight”.
When her murderous, grifter of a husband is cuffed to a chair, waiting for the police to take him away, Bella requests a moment alone with him. The moment Detective Rough leaves the room, Jack tries to persuade her into helping him escape, using the same abusive tactics he used to gaslight her in the first place.
Yet, armed with the power of the truth, and emboldened by her newfound self-assurance, Bella turns the tables on her abuser, saying,
“If I were not mad, I could have helped you… If I were not mad, whatever you had done, I could have pitied and protected you. But, because I am mad, I have hated you. And because I am mad, I have betrayed you… And because I am mad, I am rejoicing in my heart, without a shred of pity, without a shred of regret, watching you go with glory in my heart…”
Indeed, the truth will set you free if only you’ll let it.
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